I have very mixed feelings about Kurt Cobain.

He’s the reason I learned to play guitar. He’s the reason I started writing songs. He’s the reason I first stepped in front of a crowd and performed. 

People, places, moments in time.

He’s one of the reasons I still have a hard time listening to Nirvana. They were my favorite band at a very influential period of my life. I didn’t know how to feel about his suicide on April 5th, 1994.

Anger seemed to be the prevalent emotion. 

I listened to Nirvana the day a childhood friend decided to do the exact same thing, in the same manner, on April 28th, 1994. I had “Rape Me” on repeat. The volume wasn’t loud enough.

In Utero was the soundtrack to my first worst day. 

I don’t recall speaking to anyone. I just remember being angry. 

People, places, moments in time. 

I stumbled across this video, by Jared Leto, this morning. It’s an homage he recorded when he heard someone was making a film about Kurt. It was never sent to the studio. Leto is incredibly gifted and it’s really well done. It’s a fitting tribute. I don’t know how to feel about it.

I just know I’m angry. 

Association.

People.

Places.

Moments in time.

Some connections can’t be unplugged.